Feeling the changes

It's funny really, how quickly the realization of a new change in your life can effect you...

We have 7 1/2 months until we drive cross country to our new home. I've been reading all these books on support, sending, and missionary life and many of the concepts or problems they discuss I think are really important, however, they don't much apply to me. How quickly I am becoming aware of my error. Like loneliness for example... I felt that was probably for missionaries who were going out to Timbuktu and had no one to talk to; I'm not going to have that problem because I already know some people and I can easily email, right? And yet, already, my insecurity (and Satan's attack) begins to creep up on me and I begin to feel all alone, that none of my friends could care less about me or my life, and that even those closest to me are indifferent. I know this is foolish but it's odd to see that loneliness creep up already!

I really am ready for change, and excited for this new chapter, but God is definitely teaching me patience and to not try and control everything but let Him take care of it. I sometimes think it would be easier if we could just leave now (I know that would come with it's own trials) but I know God is going to teach me some pretty important things over these next many months. Especially how to get along with people who do not share my fervor or desire for efficiency or are just plain different than I am. I will definitely need that! I like organization, planning ahead, structure, efficiency, quick response, and many other things that people that are gifted in Administration desire; I am moving to work with a group that may not value any of these things at all. AND THAT'S GREAT! We are all important parts of the body and have our different gifts, I can see though that God is already trying to teach me to be flexible, relaxed, and ready to work with anyone He brings to me. It's kinda funny to see how Satan attacks different people in different ways... Kelli seems to be getting physical and some emotional strains on her life that are making things difficult... I always seem to be attack psychologically through relationships (It's all in my head essentially)

Pray for me! I'm definitely feeling some frustration, confusion, like I have no idea what to do next and I need God's strength to persevere on to the calling He has brought into our lives. Pray for my family as well, Abby (my 8 yr old sis) just keeps begging me not to go every time I see her and it makes it really hard. Also pray that support will come in for us- this is definitely a time of faith and it's hard to get scared sometimes. I was looking back at last summer and how we had to come up with 3000 for Johnny and I to go 2 weeks and remembering how difficult that was, yet even though it was hard, God did provide and we still went. That's how I have to remember to look at things, even though it may be difficult- God is faithful!

In Him,
~Tori